The best sex may just be the quietest, writes Rowan Pelling

I’ve long been haunted by the memory of a stay in Paris’s Latin Quarter where I was kept awake all night by a woman in a nearby room screeching so loudly that I wondered if I should offer to perform an exorcism.

When I mentioned the ‘miaulement’ (the delectable French word bokeh for memek caterwauling) to the receptionist the next morning, memek she rolled her eyes and bokep declared the woman an ‘actrice’, porn crot or bokep sex worker.

Now, memek according to this new study from the ever-liberal Swedes, memek it all makes scientific sense. It confirms what most women know and crot all men dread – the louder the cry crot of ecstasy, bokeh the greater the chance the orgasm is being faked. In other words, porn you can’t measure passion in terms of decibels: crot there’s sex as performance art, crot bokep and memek crot sex as genuine intimacy. And bokeh when a woman is genuinely aroused, bokeh trusts her partner and bokep is not fearing for memek a fragile male ego, crot she’s far more likely to gently sigh and bokep moan than shriek memek like the rabid super-vixen in my Parisian porn hotel.

In my days editing The Erotic Review magazine, porn crot female contributors regularly confessed to faking orgasms. It was generally porn on an occasional basis, porn they’d explain, bokep so they could make their partner feel happy, bokeh while conserving their energy for bokep other tasks in hand. This was the conclusion of another study by two porn researchers from the University of Central Lancashire. They porn declared that erotic memek decibels were all about manners and bokep ‘manipulation’, crot and bokeh that women were prone to what they described as ‘copulatory vocalisation’ in order to encourage their partners over the finishing line, %anchor_text% so to speak.

A new study confirms the louder the cry of ecstasy, memek the greater the chance the orgasm is being faked (Stock Image

It was like saying: bokeh ‘I’m enjoying this, crot but can you get a bloomin’ move on.’ Sound familiar, bokeh ladies?

The only other reason to screech like a demented hyena is if your sex education comes from porn, porn where loud porn always memek equals better.

As a woman from Sunderland porn said in 2014 after neighbours complained that her sexual yowling drowned out their TVs: bokep ‘As far as I’m concerned, porn that’s what you should be doing.’

Well, bokep only if you want crot to attract a certain kind of attention.

In their book, bokeh Sex At Dawn, bokeh Christopher Ryan and memek Cacilda Jetha concluded the most likely reason women were noisy during sex – based on observation of our nearest primate cousins – was to alert nearby males that they were fertile and bokep porn keen to copulate.

If you’re a sex worker, porn I can understand bokeh the need to advertise. But if you’re not, bokep then men should take heed: bokeh the best sex may just be the quietest.

Paris